I've never been too good at understanding technology. It can feel really scary and intimidating at times. Perhaps it's the knowledge that I am extremely clueless when it comes to troubleshooting technological problems. Perhaps it's not knowing how exactly technology works. Don't get me wrong. I really do appreciate technology and all that it's capable of doing. But my technophobia is probably a result of being aware that technology seems to be evolving and developing at such a breakneck pace that it sometimes feels like it's rushing on ahead and leaving many of us non-technophiles behind.
Within the last week, I forced myself to make the acquaintance of my new phone, a Nokia N73 and my new 80GB Ipod. This last week really has been technology overload for me. I've actually had the N73 sitting in its box since the beginning of this year but a combination of factors (mostly my technophobia) resulted in me only opening it and learning to use it a week ago. I figured my old Nokia really needed to be put aside. The Ipod was a practical consideration. I figured it was the only solution to the problem of not being able to bring all my Cds over the the US when I leave in August.
Now that I've gotten more familiar with these two new devices in my life, I'm starting to wonder why I didn't consider having them earlier. It's strange but just a week ago I didn't have them in my life and now, a week later, I'm starting to feel like I can't do without them. Technology has this strange effect on you doesn't it?
However, I'm still wary of them. I'm worried about them breaking down and not working as they should. And then I may feel completely lost not having them functioning properly, especially when I know I won't have a clue how to get them fixed except to leave them with customer support.
For me, technology is like the people you meet who, after you get to know them, you start to really appreciate and love deeply, and feel that you can't do without. However, there always seems to be some sort of barrier that the other person erects. No matter how hard you try to understand them, they never let you get through completely. Just like how technology is. You can read the manual from cover to cover and know how a device functions but you'll never really figure out how it all really happens scientifically.
Back to people. Even when you feel you have gotten to know them pretty well, you realise you still need to walk circumspectly around them for fear that any wrong step on your part could jeopardise whatever closeness you have attempted to establish till then. And so it is with me and techonology. Despite loving them in my life, this inability to completely understand them will make me always slightly afraid of them; afraid that they will fail me one day and stop working and that I will have no clue how to fix the problem, afraid that all the time I spent getting to know how they work will go to waste.
I'm not sure if my analogy above makes any sense. It does to me, in some strange-Leslie's mind- way. If it doesn't to you, thanks for trying to understand anyway :) I don't know why writing about the two new devices in my life suddenly made me think of the two unreciprocated loves of my life.
I can't seem to write a typical blog can I? Where you write about what happened during your day, the things you did, the movies you watched, the friends you laughed with etc. Well, guess I titled this blog appropriately then, Leslie's Musings of the Mind ..... (can your blog address get any longer? according to Shouchen, Candice and Eleanor) ....
Saturday, 30 June 2007
Wednesday, 20 June 2007
The World is Changing ...
Reading the papers nowadays usually leaves me feeling disturbed and unsettled. There's so much grief and hatred in the world. People dying unexpectedly, wars, fighting, pollution, selfishness ... I sometimes think that if God were to send another flood to wipe out the human race, now would be a pretty appropriate time to do so.
This is going to be a rather serious, even morbid post ...
1) All the recent reports of people dying suddenly, young men dying in their sleep, people killed by falling trees, people drowning .... just reminds me how easily and unexpectedly death can come. I think about death quite a bit. Not sure why, perhaps I'm just very aware of my own mortality. I have found myself looking around at people I see on the streets in the past couple of weeks and realising that in 75 years, almost everyone will be dead; people who are now young, strong, full of life and vitality will be gone by then, replaced by a whole new generation of people ... and life goes on in this way ....
2) Abdul Basheer, the "self-radicalised" muslim who was detained under the Internal Security Act, was a schoolmate of mine from National Junior College. I never really knew him well, although it was easy to see that he was one of the popular, cool people in school and smart too(from the Humanities class). I'm sure those who know him well are shocked by the news of his detention but in some strange warped way, he probably thought that he was doing his part to make the world a better place. And so it is with many who use violence to advance their cause, I believe they genuinely believe that violence is the only way to make things better for a group of people who are suffering, even if it is at the expense of another group of people. Until the day comes when we can all look at those around us and not judge one another based on race, religion, sexual orientation and social status can the human race have any hope of attaining real harmony and happiness.
3) The world is dying. We take earth's marvellous ability to rejuvenate itself for granted. Our world cannot keep up with the harm we are doing to it. The number of movies made nowadays depicting end of the world scenarios is a clear reflection of mankind's anxiety regarding the state of our environment now. Yet, we still go on killing our planet. Perhaps we don't feel we are doing any damage of consequence as individuals. Maybe most people just can't be bothered because it doesn't affect them personally. Apathy. We only bother with something when if affects our lives personally. Otherwise, why care?
4) I went for my student visa interview at the US Embassy yesterday. Terrorism has really changed the world. Security measures designed to keep us safe can also make us feel like the threat we are being protected from. The interview process itself went pretty smoothly. The advisory I got from the school was to indicate that I had no intention of staying on in the US after my studies in order for my visa application to not be denied. I had to leave my handphone, glue and stapler at the guardhouse. The old lady in front of me had her visa request denied because her friend who was supposed to be her translator, told her what to say instead of allowing her to answer in her own words and then translating her words. I was thinking how strict and inflexible that interviewing officer was. Earlier this year when I was in the US, KL and I were both sent for extra screening procedures at one of the airports we were at. We walked into booths where puffs of air where shot at us. Each item in our carry on luggage was also individually inspected and cleaned. It appeared that those being singled out for the extra screening were non caucasians. Perhaps it was my imagination. But one can easily see how all these security measures can make you feel like you are the danger that they are supposed to be protecting you from. With each new measure introduced, I wonder when all of it will end. I guess it will never end. Each side feeds the other. New forms of threats will breed new prevention methods. And each side will keep evolving. Just like how viruses evolve over time, developing new strains.
This has been a rather pessimistic post hasn't it? I'm not always like that. I also believe that there are many beautiful things in this world. I just think about things sometimes ....
This is going to be a rather serious, even morbid post ...
1) All the recent reports of people dying suddenly, young men dying in their sleep, people killed by falling trees, people drowning .... just reminds me how easily and unexpectedly death can come. I think about death quite a bit. Not sure why, perhaps I'm just very aware of my own mortality. I have found myself looking around at people I see on the streets in the past couple of weeks and realising that in 75 years, almost everyone will be dead; people who are now young, strong, full of life and vitality will be gone by then, replaced by a whole new generation of people ... and life goes on in this way ....
2) Abdul Basheer, the "self-radicalised" muslim who was detained under the Internal Security Act, was a schoolmate of mine from National Junior College. I never really knew him well, although it was easy to see that he was one of the popular, cool people in school and smart too(from the Humanities class). I'm sure those who know him well are shocked by the news of his detention but in some strange warped way, he probably thought that he was doing his part to make the world a better place. And so it is with many who use violence to advance their cause, I believe they genuinely believe that violence is the only way to make things better for a group of people who are suffering, even if it is at the expense of another group of people. Until the day comes when we can all look at those around us and not judge one another based on race, religion, sexual orientation and social status can the human race have any hope of attaining real harmony and happiness.
3) The world is dying. We take earth's marvellous ability to rejuvenate itself for granted. Our world cannot keep up with the harm we are doing to it. The number of movies made nowadays depicting end of the world scenarios is a clear reflection of mankind's anxiety regarding the state of our environment now. Yet, we still go on killing our planet. Perhaps we don't feel we are doing any damage of consequence as individuals. Maybe most people just can't be bothered because it doesn't affect them personally. Apathy. We only bother with something when if affects our lives personally. Otherwise, why care?
4) I went for my student visa interview at the US Embassy yesterday. Terrorism has really changed the world. Security measures designed to keep us safe can also make us feel like the threat we are being protected from. The interview process itself went pretty smoothly. The advisory I got from the school was to indicate that I had no intention of staying on in the US after my studies in order for my visa application to not be denied. I had to leave my handphone, glue and stapler at the guardhouse. The old lady in front of me had her visa request denied because her friend who was supposed to be her translator, told her what to say instead of allowing her to answer in her own words and then translating her words. I was thinking how strict and inflexible that interviewing officer was. Earlier this year when I was in the US, KL and I were both sent for extra screening procedures at one of the airports we were at. We walked into booths where puffs of air where shot at us. Each item in our carry on luggage was also individually inspected and cleaned. It appeared that those being singled out for the extra screening were non caucasians. Perhaps it was my imagination. But one can easily see how all these security measures can make you feel like you are the danger that they are supposed to be protecting you from. With each new measure introduced, I wonder when all of it will end. I guess it will never end. Each side feeds the other. New forms of threats will breed new prevention methods. And each side will keep evolving. Just like how viruses evolve over time, developing new strains.
This has been a rather pessimistic post hasn't it? I'm not always like that. I also believe that there are many beautiful things in this world. I just think about things sometimes ....
Tuesday, 19 June 2007
Relationships and Love
North Diversion Road is a really well-written play. I love the final scene and I love what Eleanor and Shouchen brought to it. A dying wife asking her husband to marry a girl he had an affair with after her death because she does not want him to be alone. Unfathomable madness or complete selflessness? I say it's the latter. When you truly love someone, that person's happiness is what should matter the most.
Each time I listen to the conclusion of the play from behind the curtain, I find myself tearing. I cry because real love gives us the strength to do things we never thought we were capable of doing, of saying things we never thought we could say, of allowing ourselves to hurt in order that the other person can be happy. I cry because those 2 characters in the concluding scene find a resolution denied every other couple in the play. It reminds me that love between 2 people can be such a wonderful thing to experience.
During the feedback session last Saturday night with the students from Republic Poly who came to watch the show, Jonathan Lim, our Director said something that stuck with me. He said that the couple in scene 5 had to kill themselves because no matter how much they loved each other, the relationship had changed because trust had been broken through the husband's infidelity. For them, the couple who valued perfection, that breach of trust would always remain a flaw in the marriage. I then immediately thought of the incident 2 weeks ago when my books got wet from the rain and got soaked at the edges. No matter how much I tried drying them, the edges remain creased. And so it is with a relationship where trust has been betrayed, the creases remain no matter how much you try to remove them.
This was a very mature play for many of us, yet I think most of us have had enough experience in life and love to handle the demands of the play. Perhaps some of us didn't quite get all that could be gotten out of the scenes we played at this point of time in our lives (I think I probably could have done more with my first scene) but I think we all have grown emotionally from working on our scenes, from watching one another work and from being a team, putting this whole show together mostly on our own.
Thank you Tony Perez for writing this play and thank you Jonathan Lim for trusting us to recreate these characters under your invaluable guidance ...
Each time I listen to the conclusion of the play from behind the curtain, I find myself tearing. I cry because real love gives us the strength to do things we never thought we were capable of doing, of saying things we never thought we could say, of allowing ourselves to hurt in order that the other person can be happy. I cry because those 2 characters in the concluding scene find a resolution denied every other couple in the play. It reminds me that love between 2 people can be such a wonderful thing to experience.
During the feedback session last Saturday night with the students from Republic Poly who came to watch the show, Jonathan Lim, our Director said something that stuck with me. He said that the couple in scene 5 had to kill themselves because no matter how much they loved each other, the relationship had changed because trust had been broken through the husband's infidelity. For them, the couple who valued perfection, that breach of trust would always remain a flaw in the marriage. I then immediately thought of the incident 2 weeks ago when my books got wet from the rain and got soaked at the edges. No matter how much I tried drying them, the edges remain creased. And so it is with a relationship where trust has been betrayed, the creases remain no matter how much you try to remove them.
This was a very mature play for many of us, yet I think most of us have had enough experience in life and love to handle the demands of the play. Perhaps some of us didn't quite get all that could be gotten out of the scenes we played at this point of time in our lives (I think I probably could have done more with my first scene) but I think we all have grown emotionally from working on our scenes, from watching one another work and from being a team, putting this whole show together mostly on our own.
Thank you Tony Perez for writing this play and thank you Jonathan Lim for trusting us to recreate these characters under your invaluable guidance ...
Monday, 18 June 2007
2 more months before I leave
Here we go, my first blog entry ....
We ended our run of "North Diversion Road" yesterday. The last few months preparing for it have been really great. I think all of us in the cast have really come to feel for the characters we have been finding and creating over the past few months. I actually felt sad after I finished my first scene yesterday. It felt like I was leaving a friend behind in the theatre, someone I have come to know and understand better but now needed to leave behind.
I'm going to miss everyone in Young & Wild tremendously when I leave for Manhattan in August. The rest of them will continue to grow as an ensemble with their future productions and I won't be around to experience it with them. But I know that I'll also be doing something that I've always wanted to do and that going to Manhattan to study is an opportunity I need to take now.
The whole school application process over the last 9 months has gotten me thinking a lot more deeply about life. I'm not sure why that happened. Perhaps I know it's going to be a really huge step out of my comfort zone, into something new, unfamiliar, exciting and yet scary. Such things usually gets one thinking more deeply about life doesn't it?
I came home last night with post production blues. It comes from knowing that something wonderful and enjoyable has come to a conclusion and that things are moving on. It's the last time all 14 of us will be together in the same show. I won't be there for the next one. But that's life isn't it? People come and go in and out of our lives. We remember and love those who touch us the most and try to forget those who hurt us.
I don't know how my partner and I will cope with not having each other around after I leave in August. Since we first got together more than 6 years ago, we've talked everyday and met up a few times every week. I'm sure we will adjust but it will be such a big change for both of us. We will need to find a different rhythm to our lives and our relationship, to work out a different way of communicating and to learn to keep each other in our hearts when we are physically so far apart.
I'll miss him very much ...
We ended our run of "North Diversion Road" yesterday. The last few months preparing for it have been really great. I think all of us in the cast have really come to feel for the characters we have been finding and creating over the past few months. I actually felt sad after I finished my first scene yesterday. It felt like I was leaving a friend behind in the theatre, someone I have come to know and understand better but now needed to leave behind.
I'm going to miss everyone in Young & Wild tremendously when I leave for Manhattan in August. The rest of them will continue to grow as an ensemble with their future productions and I won't be around to experience it with them. But I know that I'll also be doing something that I've always wanted to do and that going to Manhattan to study is an opportunity I need to take now.
The whole school application process over the last 9 months has gotten me thinking a lot more deeply about life. I'm not sure why that happened. Perhaps I know it's going to be a really huge step out of my comfort zone, into something new, unfamiliar, exciting and yet scary. Such things usually gets one thinking more deeply about life doesn't it?
I came home last night with post production blues. It comes from knowing that something wonderful and enjoyable has come to a conclusion and that things are moving on. It's the last time all 14 of us will be together in the same show. I won't be there for the next one. But that's life isn't it? People come and go in and out of our lives. We remember and love those who touch us the most and try to forget those who hurt us.
I don't know how my partner and I will cope with not having each other around after I leave in August. Since we first got together more than 6 years ago, we've talked everyday and met up a few times every week. I'm sure we will adjust but it will be such a big change for both of us. We will need to find a different rhythm to our lives and our relationship, to work out a different way of communicating and to learn to keep each other in our hearts when we are physically so far apart.
I'll miss him very much ...
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